On the wall next to the table I sit at my home group reads a sign "spiritual growth". I have come to understand this last year since the death of my son to be a period of significant spiritual growth. Growth not in terms of expanding my understanding of my higher power, but rather, a simplification. My studies at seminary pushed me to understand more deeply my higher power. My "schooling" over the last year has been to strip my understanding to the bare necessity.
I am a hurt child reaching out to my parent for comfort and security. As long as I stay in this moment, I have relief. As soon as I worry about the stitches I may need or blame myself for getting jury in the first place, despair and anxiety return. This present moment is all that is needed.